a shallow pool
* * * * * * *
I thought about putting a "dash" after the word pool, but Scott Metz has tended to enourage me away from dashes. W. S. Merwin uses them almost not at all, or any other punctuation, his idea being the reader can figure out where he or she wants to put them, if he or she needs or wants them at all.
I like the idea of a fallen cloud. Clouds are light, they don't fall, so "fallen cloud" has a kind of heavy awkward quality about it, which fits in with the shallowness of the pool. Also, I like the fact that we form words, and that in objective reality words don't form anything, words forming a shallow pool is surrealistic.
All in all, I'm quite happy with this haiku, and am commenting on it because of having received so few comments on this blog. I feel as if I am out somewhere in a far, remote hinterland without phone service, mail, T.V. or internet. So, until that changes I'll just talk to myself.